Involving Children in Labor and Birth

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It is a hard call on whether to involve siblings in the active birth of their new brother or sister. You may feel societal, family or institutional pressure not to have the children involved, to protect them from potential "trauma." But you know your children best. The two main questions are:

1) Are they interested in birth and have you intellectually prepared them for the birth?

2) Will their presence help or hinder you?

1) Are they interested in birth and have you intellectually prepared them for the birth?

Do they want to be there? Some children will specifically ask to come to the birth. They may ask, "where will I be when the baby comes?" or "who will take care of me?" Advise them ahead of time if they will be left sleeping if labor happens at night. They might be shocked to wake up to sitter or even a new baby!

Do they understand the labor and birth process and the anatomy of how the baby comes out? Do they understand the normalcy of the noises, faces and fluids that are part of labor and birth?

Prepare them by showing them books and pictures. Start with black and white and work toward full color. Use proper words for the parts of the body.

If you wish to show them a video, I highly recommend "Birth Into Being," The Russian Waterbirth Video, as the births depicted have a calmness and serenity to them that make it an ideal introduction to birth. The anatomy of birth is well depicted, without the fear and stress of some birth videos. I also find that the involvement of children in some of the births is intriguing to other little ones, as well as the swimming and the dolphins. (Yes, dolphins. Just watch the video, you'll see what I mean)

2) Will their presence help you or hinder you?

Will you be comfortable expressing your needs and your emotions in front of your children? Some children are very soothing for their mothers in labor, as the very act of being a mother gives you strength and serenity. It may be impossible to lose hope or express fear in the presence of your child, as your protective mother instincts take over.

My then 4-year-old son was very helpful to me in early active labor, as he patted me, gave encouragement, and best of all, made me laugh. That said, he has been pretty direct about his wish not to come to my next birth!

If they do attend the labor and birth of your new baby, ensure that there is a support person there for each child. Children will be experiencing all the emotions that you and your partner are. They will feel anxiety, fear, hope and love. They need emotional support and care. They need entertaining and explaining. They need hugs and toys. They need reinforcement of how normal it is. They may simply sail through, with funny comments and tender moments. Or they may get overwhelmed, tired or upset.

That is the time for a caring person to take the initiative to offer support and distraction or a cuddle to the little person in their care.

You know your children best. If they want to be involved in the arrival of their new sibling, find a way to make it happen, to their and to your own comfort level.

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